Saturday, June 18, 2011

To Know To The CORE

This is a phrase that I dreamed up while writing a love letter and terrible introduction to someone I've never met.

It's so interesting that cherished thoughts, our most precious perceptions of ourselves and of life, come while reaching out, unabashed, completely vulnerable to another.
It is these rare and very brief moments during a lifetime which we allow ourselves to feel and perceive our true desires and aspirations. It is when we openly express them to ourselves through another with naive wide eyed optimistic expectations of allowance.
It is moments like these that makes our hearts fly to the heavens, freely floating upon the soft breezes of the gods, having no trepidations or fixated self created notions.

It is also in the moments that can follow, often beaten black and blue, full of failure and the pain of realizing some deep desires will never be fulfilled, but then enduring onward. These subsequent moments are filled with sorrow and loss, boiling with unrequited love wishing  we had never found, wishing we never made the attempt or reach toward. Then entering into the "what was I thinking" realm of logic simultaneously feeling the solid ground upon which our hearts have fallen with a thud and a splatter, spewing life's blood upon the wasteland of hard unforgiving reality.
But then later, to emerge stronger, wiping the blood of our fantasies from our eyes we are less vulnerable, have risen to the challenge, stronger in the attempt and most importantly with newly gained perspectives of who and what we are, with new wisdom, for there is no alternative. Not even death will suffice and the real YOU cannot die and you cannot forget.
Expanding or contracting have no existence within you. It is only in things with which you identify and claim are you which have such frailties.

When feeling such desire, such love, such kinship, I have no idea of whether it is just in me, a totally self created concept, or if it is a connecting to the ineffable core of another, a sharing, a fulfilled mind numbing quenched thirst, in the returning to a limitless spiritual home.
Should I stop such feelings and reflect them from the mind, discern and differentiate? They're instantly lost for they are outside mind and cannot be reflected, contained or observed simultaneously.

I call this "knowing to the core". It is far beyond the perception of only knowing someone or something for their projections, their surfaces being presented. To think I might know someone by their looks, their skin their, shape or cellular construct is absurd. But to know them by their thoughts, their actions, their likes or dislikes, their mannerisms is folly albeit much closer to knowing them, but still a near infinite distance from their core.
Much like pealing an onion, noticing a layer and perceiving, being allowed to perceive past and through each one, being allowed to dissolve them by grant of mutual trust and decision of affinity. What an honor, humbling rare and stunning.
Is there anything more valued in any universe? Is there anything more scarce?

To me, life is now nothing but the opportunity to connect with others attempting to "know them to their core". There is no other value, no gem or jewel, no desire, no game, no time or place that comes close as a substitute.
To "know to the core" is past all possible traits to "knowing about" and makes them truly unimportant. It is beyond all significance, all effort, all action, all facade, all presentation of "who and what I am" and all possible infinities of personality.
Getting to the core requires visibility, nakedness, truth and the lack of need for existences. There can be no hidden closets, no shunned awareness, no resistance of any thought, emotion, action or beingness. It must all be seen for what it really is thus stripped away!
Like the "10 spoke wheel of the Tao" it is the center, the nothing upon which it depends, the undefinable quality which has no substance. And that may not even be the core.

I have found my quest in life, for life, outside living, in death, in any state of awareness I may find myself, in the hereafter or any  indescribable or unimaginable realm. I seek "knowing to the core" and am willing to give up all alternate knowingness in exchange.

All I wish of or for anyone, especially that of the love of any lifetime, is to allow my quest for it is truly who I am and seeking to be nothing else.

This is a communication attempted with words. It may not match the intent. It will be revised, it will be changed, it is not done and may never be.
2011 © sojournersoul
2011 © currentoccupant
2011 ©
1981 © Tom Pedersen

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