Monday, July 11, 2011

Monster II

This was the Spirit of a Cat I had the pleasure of living with named “Monster”. Good by Monster, thank you for being. Thank you for the lesson.

Monster the cat and Monster the spirit unwittingly symbolized for me, true honor and integrity by how he lived.

His affection and display of love was without reservation, risking everything and full unguarded exposure at each display. I know of no human capable of such wide-open expression. We are afraid of affinity. We discern instead.

His existence reminded me of what I lacked, what I had lost somewhere along the way. The remembrance of having lost much of my own integrity and honor is very hard to confront or deal with.

The thing that is hitting the hardest is that he had no idea, no judgmental perception, unlike being shown by another person with intent; he just lived while I watched and pondered within myself why.

I put up no resistance to his message because he wasn't sending any, and so it got through in spades, to the core. I didn't even know it.

Even at the very end, his honor and his acceptance of what life dealt was true. I am sure I can say that would not have been the case with me, I'd be maximally self-indulged and whining all the way. He would sit up and try to appear as nothing was wrong. His love was beyond self. No human would stoup so low.

As far as I can now see, mankind is faulty, chickenshit and below not above the animal kingdom. We "reason", we "think" and we justify our "position" against others and escape our own guilt with these tools.

We use every one of these tools to "evade the moment" not to embrace it and make it our own. Our defense shields are held high while our dishonor remains hidden deep in the piles of justifications we have built for ourselves.

Everything requires "discernment" by man.
Every person teaches, expects, requires, forces "discernment" as a way of living.
To me now, "discern" is a pompous esoteric term for "bullshit" (denial, ego, evasion, self-aggrandizement).

We as humans live in a world without true interconnecting spirit wedged apart by our beloved "discernments" while animals just live with no discerning, no guarded or hidden agenda. They live to experience. We live to "learn" how to avoid experience.
Mankind is digressing not progressing. We're going the wrong way!

This realization in myself and for humankind is recognitive of the greatest loss of all.

Through observing Monster (the minuscule lowly cat's daily living) I now have a firm grasp on what "honor", "integrity" and the gift of living really is.

Tom Pedersen  © April 2004

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