Saturday, June 18, 2011

To Know To The CORE

This is a phrase that I dreamed up while writing a love letter and terrible introduction to someone I've never met.

It's so interesting that cherished thoughts, our most precious perceptions of ourselves and of life, come while reaching out, unabashed, completely vulnerable to another.
It is these rare and very brief moments during a lifetime which we allow ourselves to feel and perceive our true desires and aspirations. It is when we openly express them to ourselves through another with naive wide eyed optimistic expectations of allowance.
It is moments like these that makes our hearts fly to the heavens, freely floating upon the soft breezes of the gods, having no trepidations or fixated self created notions.

It is also in the moments that can follow, often beaten black and blue, full of failure and the pain of realizing some deep desires will never be fulfilled, but then enduring onward. These subsequent moments are filled with sorrow and loss, boiling with unrequited love wishing  we had never found, wishing we never made the attempt or reach toward. Then entering into the "what was I thinking" realm of logic simultaneously feeling the solid ground upon which our hearts have fallen with a thud and a splatter, spewing life's blood upon the wasteland of hard unforgiving reality.
But then later, to emerge stronger, wiping the blood of our fantasies from our eyes we are less vulnerable, have risen to the challenge, stronger in the attempt and most importantly with newly gained perspectives of who and what we are, with new wisdom, for there is no alternative. Not even death will suffice and the real YOU cannot die and you cannot forget.
Expanding or contracting have no existence within you. It is only in things with which you identify and claim are you which have such frailties.

When feeling such desire, such love, such kinship, I have no idea of whether it is just in me, a totally self created concept, or if it is a connecting to the ineffable core of another, a sharing, a fulfilled mind numbing quenched thirst, in the returning to a limitless spiritual home.
Should I stop such feelings and reflect them from the mind, discern and differentiate? They're instantly lost for they are outside mind and cannot be reflected, contained or observed simultaneously.

I call this "knowing to the core". It is far beyond the perception of only knowing someone or something for their projections, their surfaces being presented. To think I might know someone by their looks, their skin their, shape or cellular construct is absurd. But to know them by their thoughts, their actions, their likes or dislikes, their mannerisms is folly albeit much closer to knowing them, but still a near infinite distance from their core.
Much like pealing an onion, noticing a layer and perceiving, being allowed to perceive past and through each one, being allowed to dissolve them by grant of mutual trust and decision of affinity. What an honor, humbling rare and stunning.
Is there anything more valued in any universe? Is there anything more scarce?

To me, life is now nothing but the opportunity to connect with others attempting to "know them to their core". There is no other value, no gem or jewel, no desire, no game, no time or place that comes close as a substitute.
To "know to the core" is past all possible traits to "knowing about" and makes them truly unimportant. It is beyond all significance, all effort, all action, all facade, all presentation of "who and what I am" and all possible infinities of personality.
Getting to the core requires visibility, nakedness, truth and the lack of need for existences. There can be no hidden closets, no shunned awareness, no resistance of any thought, emotion, action or beingness. It must all be seen for what it really is thus stripped away!
Like the "10 spoke wheel of the Tao" it is the center, the nothing upon which it depends, the undefinable quality which has no substance. And that may not even be the core.

I have found my quest in life, for life, outside living, in death, in any state of awareness I may find myself, in the hereafter or any  indescribable or unimaginable realm. I seek "knowing to the core" and am willing to give up all alternate knowingness in exchange.

All I wish of or for anyone, especially that of the love of any lifetime, is to allow my quest for it is truly who I am and seeking to be nothing else.

This is a communication attempted with words. It may not match the intent. It will be revised, it will be changed, it is not done and may never be.
2011 © sojournersoul
2011 © currentoccupant
2011 ©
1981 © Tom Pedersen

Thursday, June 9, 2011

What is Perfection

This is Part II to the original writing "Perfection Standard"

Time itself guarantees the impossibility of perfection. Lets define perfection in and identity along with the concepts of absolute or infinity. As long as time exists, there must be a constant change or consecutive sequential moments, one following another and never stopping. Perfection might exist for an instant but then it immediately changes at the onset of the next instant. All things are either expanding or contracting, continuously being created or in the throws of their cessation of being created. There is no such thing as sustainability in a continuum such as time
The only true perfection that will ever be is that of a total static. Philosophers have intonated for centuries of this quality, whether it be in the Veda's, the Egyptian Book of the Dead, or even more recent religions such as Buddhism, Taoism (AKA, Tao Te Ching), the Qabbalah and Koran.
It is often defined in many ways using words designed to relate to something and not intended or designed to capture the essence of "a nothing".

I've heard and have conjured my own conceptual interpretations attempting to communicate the ineffable concept of the source of that which animates life, human or otherwise.
Attempted definitions such as:
The nothing between all things
That which is non-existent but binds all that is existent.
The intangible, and distinctly absent from human perceptions, but is the source and recipient of all perception.
The quality residing outside or parallel to time, space and matter. Which does not exist with but imperceptibly and invisibly permeates through all time, space and matter.
The true self which has the qualities of honor, integrity, ethics, valor, honesty. That which displays the qualities of intellect, perception, observation, cognition, knowing, duplication, affinity, sentience and the myriad of other similar qualities which cannot be attributed to memory or mental creative activities requiring discernment.
The quality of the infinite space within all matter makeup from the nucleus to the galaxies, that which fills all voids and binds.
This may be the actual state of the spirit, soul or the true YOU.
The absolute STATIC which has no motion due to it existing in all places and no places simultaneously, thus having not instance or presence in time or in space.

I've had the question posed asking in variant ways: "how can you say a static describes the spirit and that it is not in time"?

One answer conjured is: If the observer is capable of the perception of time, then it cannot be in it itself while simultaneously tell that it is consecutively, moment by moment passing.
Further;  to have such a thing as time, there must be a reference that is not IN time, otherwise the absence of such reference would make consecutive moments imperceptible.
As a poor example of this concept; set in a motionless vehicle with your eyes closed with ears muffed and have the driver (someone other than yourself!) initiate coasting down a slightly inclined street with as little alternative motion as possible. If you are identified to the vehicle and the vehicle is moving, so are you simultaneously. There is no difference in the motion of the vehicle and of yourself. If performed properly, you will not discern when there was no vehicle motion, thus consecutive moments and existing motion.
This is a crude example of there needing an external reference to anything before perception of it can be accomplished. Simple pure classical physics.

Logic may offer that it is likely that the foundation of all Time, Space, Matter and Energy must be some quality that is not.

In Taoism, there is the example of "The Wheel" as an attempt to describe "Emptiness" by describing everything else.
see - for the following examples:
    We put thirty spokes together and call it a wheel;
    But it is on the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the wheel depends.
    We turn clay to make a vessel;
    But it is on the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the vessel depends.
    We pierce doors and windows to make a house;
    And it is on these spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the house depends.
    Therefore just as we take advantage of what is, we should recognize the usefulness of what is not. (chap. 11, tr. Waley)
If there is perfection, it is "a nothing", that which animates, that which sees but cannot be seen. It is never changing, never existed and never ceases. That quality is YOU.

If anyone can suggest any other ways to describe the nothing upon which all things depend, please chime in!!

This is a communication attempted with words. It may not match the intent. It will be revised, it will be changed, it is not done and may never be.
2011 © sojournersoul
2011 © currentoccupant
2011 ©
1981 © Tom Pedersen

Perfection Standard

I was a perfectionist. I am no longer. If you have seen any of my products, writing, cars, motorcycles, house, how I dress or my overall lifestyle, this is certainly not new news.

How did I get here....from...way......... back................there?

It was something that I think comes naturally from anyone having finally produced an exchangeable product. Anyone who designs will know this concept clearly.

While I was designing and prototyping various motorcycle and automotive products that people and I had brought me (self to self flow, one hat to another here). I began learning as I designed. That learning allowed me, hopefully to design or make a product better, faster, cheaper and easier.
Down this road I began helping someone with building Motorcycle Sidecars. He had his specific way and was not initially open to any suggestons. I listened and did what he wanted in making his designed product.
One day, when paying me for the work, he asked me if I knew of a less costly way to do it. That's when we began to communicate, share and designing in our minds with a mutual objective, not yet determined.

As time went on I acquired the abandoned designs and tooling to make three different motorcycle sidecars from three different original sources.
I first examined how each of these people did things exemplified by their products. I discovered a personal specific talent which allowed me to usually come up with something I felt was better than what currently existed.
Now this is both a blessing and a curse. As friends, sometimes former friends usually will tell you, I did this with them too. As I began to "care" I wanted to impart my "suggestions" that I thought would be of benefit to them.
If I was not careful, my "friends" would make sure not to bring up certain subjects, particularly one called "self improvement" or "self help". I had lots of ideas but they did not come across that way. I would spit them out as if I were talking to myself, no finesse, no diplomacy, no distractions such as compassion or kindness, just data, as fast as I could without really packaging it properly to ensure willing acceptance or duplication.
Of course, in the formative years, I had no idea how I was coming across. I only knew that friends would get angry or sad, become apathetic or attempt to avoid me as I tried to "help" with my suggestions.

While starting the completely unknown and unexpected redesign of the sidecars before even considering any production, I became hooked on the love of designing and of making the first of what I had designed. I wanted it to look and work like I had envisioned and the only way I knew to do that was to make one.
I learned things I never bargained for since I was always on a budget, I did it all myself. Since I was a perfectionist, I had to do each skill to my standards. I found that people watching or hanging around for the pure entertainment value of watching me hit my head HARD against the local walls, OFTEN which apparently was most enjoyable to them.
And so it went that each time I finalized a design and built the item, I immediately came up with better designs, sometimes much better and total complete redesigns which were a better product with better ways to produce the product.
I started to feel the apathy that I had inflicted on myself and my friends. I actually became suicidal in my own mind about being trapped in this sidecar manufacturing idea that I could not get away from. When it's other people's money financing, there is an obligation that I ascribed to. It was, "I will succeed or I will die trying type of attitude".
Interestingly enough, this is when the continuing circular never ending design, make, abandon, design, make, abandon cycle was broken.

A friend dropped in one day and said, while I was in another head bleed from the hard wall that just hit me; "I wonder why GM and Ford come out with new models each year"?
I looked up at him in stunned amazement that this usually intelligent guy could have come down so far as to say something so stupid! I arrogantly replied, "because if they made the perfect car, there would be no more need to make another, they'd all loose money instead of building a continuing profitable marketplace"!
Then I shook my head and started to go back to work.
This friend then said, "yes there's that, or maybe it's because they can't build the perfect car". Something hit me and I looked up, only to find my friend walking away with a slight smile on his face.
I went in and sat down in the office with a thud, as if my body now weighed 3 G's. He was absolutely right. Not only did they not build the perfect car for profit reasons but they didn't because they COULDN'T. It was because, each new model put them through new learning ground, new ways to do things, new ways to look at those new things, new materials, new support products, new understandings about every facet of what goes into building a car in the ways they are.
That entirely pervasive new understanding was then used to build next year's models. Now of course, this is not entirely true. As an aside, no manufacturer will build something today as perfectly as they can. The reasons have to do with economics, the cost of building versus what the product profits will be and other balanced issues.
Even then, with perfection potentially able to be accomplished, the choices based on other constraints will prohibit it.

That was about 40 years ago. A long time has passed and hopefully I have learned one thing. That is what the word STANDARD means. It's such a common word that "everyone" knows what it means, so I don't need to tell you here :-)

My quest for perfection was putting a complete stop in my ability to produce anything. Even my friends were not being produced because I was showing them "perfection". I did this with my female friends and loving relationships as well. I'm sure I don't need to tell you how "receptive" and "successful" that attitude was.
But now I live my life by that word when it comes to my desire for perfection. I know I don't have enough lifetime to be a perfectionist and I would much rather put out a standard product than a non-existent perfect one anytime.

This is a communication attempted with words. It may not match the intent. It will be revised, it will be changed, it is not done and may never be.
2011 © sojournersoul
2011 © currentoccupant
2011 ©
1981 © Tom Pedersen


It almost feels ILLEGAL to be examining that which is capable of being AWARE. It goes against the grain, it tilts the head like the RCA Victor dog trying to understand.

Are we aware?

Are we aware of being aware?
Are we aware of being awake, of being asleep, of dreaming, of being conscious or unconscious?
What is it that is AWARE?  Is it Self? Is it aware of being Self?
Is it physical? Is it a chemical reaction? Is it synapse firing? If so, what causes these then?
What thinks?
What perceives the thought?
What knows?
What knows when it doesn't?
What is Being?
What IS?

How do we define, perceive, become aware of that which is AWARE?

We look at our hand, our foot, our body, and ask ourselves, "Is that me"?

Can a mirror see a mirror? What is the difference between something that perceives and something that does not?
How do we know which we are?
Are we a perception or a perceiver?
Who or what defines?
What actually creates?

This is a communication attempted with words. It may not match the intent. It will be revised, it will be changed, it is not done and may never be.
2011 © sojournersoul
2011 © currentoccupant
2011 ©
1981 © Tom Pedersen